If you are looking to gain some knowledge from this post I fear that I may fail you. However, if you are looking to gain some laughter wrinkles I have a feeling that you will get what you want.
First off, I would like to say that unless Massage Envy gives me something for free, they are going down! Tonight, I was having the most amazing massage by Christine at Massage Envy Simi Valley. Then we begin to hear some growning from next door… Christine says “I’m so sorry, he will quiet down soon.” OKay, so I do my best to block it out. NOOO, it just keeps getting louder and louder. I am getting my glutes rubbed and this man is either dying of emphysema or having an orgasm. I can’t decide. Oh wait, it gets better. I’m trying to block it out, its getting really awkward and then I hear him say. “WHATS IN THE HOOD?” What? What the eff does that mean? Do men even have a hood? Sooo perplexed. Needless to say, Christine is amazing and I love her, but if the manager of massage envy does not call me back I will destroy you on twitter. tweet fucking tweet.
Alright. Now that I’m all relaxed from my invigorating massage, I will tell you about the rest of my day. It started off with a visit to the urgent care because my lovely Peruvian illness has come back with a vengeance. Then I have a scheduled dentist appt, I go there, they give me a very soft blanket ( and if you know me, you know that I like soft things), I found out I have a cavity (damn you Inca trail- may have only brushed my teeth twice during the hike), then I realize I love my dentist because her bra is showing and she told me I don’t have to get my wisdom teeth extracted!! Yay! One more thing I forgot to mention is that the hygienist told me that I have two veneers, I am almost positive that I only have one! Usually, I would be like ok, I have two. But! In my life I have known SEVERAL Drs. to be confused about what I have one or two of and it is not something that you should be confused about!
All in all, it was an interesting day. I will bullet the other highlights for you.
- My mom and I broke the law 3x today while driving to Torrance
- Saw a white person wearing a “Black Scuba Divers of America” tshirt. The only thing that could possibly be funnier than this is a Peruvian person wearing that shirt.
- We had to make an urgent pee stop on the way home from the hospital. We go to Carls jr. The bathroom is full. I wait and wait. Finally I hear the toilet flush. Hallelujah! The person never comes out!! There is only one bathroom and I have to run my ass over to EL Pollo Loco! Because whoever was in the bathroom was taking there sweet ass time. After you flush, really? WTF are u doing? It was perplexing. You can ask my mom about it if you don’t believe me.
- Last but not least, at my massage tonight, for the free tea I chose PMS/menopause tea. Which is really hilarious because I have Implanon and don’t get my period and will not PMS. Additionally, I am 24 years old and will hopefully not experience menopause for a while. Ciao Ciao.
Why did I ever leave PERU?????? Any feedback at all would be great.
God Bless America